Lying: Seven Steps To Stop The Bad Habit: "Will I ever stop lying?
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2006
by Habit Buster
http://www.breakingthehabits.com
"I
don't know what's worse lying to my friends and family and how it make
me feel or lying to myself about how I feel. There are days I don't
even know the truth from lies. I constantly lie. About little things,
big thingseverything. I need help and support. I feel totally
helpless. How do I stop lying?"
I understand how you feel. It's painful because you lie so that people like or love you more, but it only makes you unhappy. And others don't trust you! Because they know - even if they don't tell you
1) You cannot stop lying if you have not admitted to yourself that you have. Staying in denial state of mind only prolongs your pain and reinforces behaviors that make you unhappy with yourself. Therefore - admit and accept responsibility.
2) Make a list of all the resources you already know that works for you. List the strategies that have worked for you in the past, in all areas of your life, to achieve any type of goal. (For example: I stay motivated by listening to motivational tapes and reading books.)
3) Keep a list of your lying slips - the times you fall of the wagon. Ask yourself: "Hey, what happened? (For example: I was feeling insecure about my actions, so I lied , because it make me feel better.)
This exercise is important because learning takes place when you start asking questions.
4) List the reasons why your lying did not address your problem. Ask yourself: "What didn't work here? Why not?" ( Example: Lying did not make me feel better in fact it made me feel worse about myself - later.)
If you can learn as much as you can from one lie, then the next lie isn't quite so traumatic. Remember, it's more important to think of progress rather than perfection.
Or past lies and behaviors are only information. Use it to correct and improve your present and your future. I read somewhere, "If life is worth living it's worth recording."
5) Invest in an expensive diary and start recording your actions. Record your reasons for lying. And start a dialogue with yourself.
6) Recording your actions make you aware. And you need to develop the skills of awareness. You may be too critical of your self. Are you? When you tried to stop lying for one day and you failed, do you feel guilty? Do you play the negative images repeatedly in your mind?
Remember: you are not your behavior. When you feel bad and find fault with yourself, you empower your lying habit. The best solution is to become aware of the lie, disassociate yourself from it - because you are not your behavior - and record how it made you feel.
7) The next step is to become an effective risk taker, because progress in life is always going to involve risk. I had many fears and bad habits and I knew I had to take action.
For example, that's why I confronted my fear of heights and I Bungy jumped 110 meters from a bridge over the Zambezi river. What I have learned is to be in control of my destiny. And my destiny was limited by my fear. Not anymore!
I (you) must be willing to become and actor. Not a reactor.
Even if you believe you cannot do it just act as though you can - because from acting comes action and from repeated action comes believe.
Are you willing to Bungy jump the lying habit? Because you must be willing to risk failure. And by being prepared to take risk you'll out grow your lying habit. Make a list of all the scary risks and confront them.
If you start to take these actions you'll control your mind rather than your mind controlling you. Not only will you stop the lying habit you can use these steps to stop any bad habit.
Johan Horak.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--
Johan Horak, is the publisher of Habit Busting Secrets:
"Learn how to break ANY habit -- in 21 days (or less)
guaranteed!"
Click Here ===>>Stop Lying in 21 Days
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--
** Attn Ezine editors / Site owners ** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your site so long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.
This Article has been viewed 12,269 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)yes it was in fact i can't stop lying but now i think i can turn over a new leaf and start fresh. thanks for helping me.
Stop lying to yourself by not trying to find hundreds reasons why you cannot do something. What we need is just a reason why we can do it.
I know its really stupid and lame but.....I'm scared. Scared to stop lying, scared of the truth.Im with this guy, im scared, and it makes me complusive.
I hate lying..... the one person i wanted to start fresh with and not lie to, i lasted about a year with before i began to lie to her. I feel like i cant undo some of the things ive done to her, and i try not to tell her things and im very impulsive about saying what my mind's idea of "the best answer" would be to her instead of flat out truth. Ive done thise to everyone in the past and now im doing it to her and i dont want to... i want things to be like how they were when we first got together where we had no problems saying anything... now its all @#$%&*ed up and i although telling the truth willprevent further damages from happening, itll never fix the damages ive already done to her trust in me. Does anyone have advice for me? id love to talk with someone, and all i have is the family that puts enough stress on our relationship as it is to talk to.Got no real friends anymore, so please help..hey david,sorry that it's 17 days late. i actually hopped on this site cause i'm on the other end and i want to know how to help because i'm the one that gets lied to. It does hurt... and i still really don't understand why he lies to me (or to everyone) but especially me... but what i do know is that i love him and unconditionally means just that. it takes work, but trust isn't just a one-person undertaking. It takes both of you working together at the exact same time. This advice column talks about bungee jumping... never done that, but i have done a teams course where you have to trust your partner because if both of you don't equally trust each other, you won't make it to the end of the course. It's a triangle of ropes where you start right next to each other, leaning on each other's hands, and as you continue, you get further apart, til you have to eventually trust each other at the same time, or someone falls off. So, talk with her on how you want to get better. Look, you've already been honest just by telling her that you want to get better. and let her know that you want her involved in the process. That way, you can do it TOGETHER, and that trust will come when you work together. I hope that has helped.
the article was helpful to me.I WILL NEVER LIE NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i not like lying it hurts to lie to my friends or my mom or aunt or my grandparents. but it hurts me the most. i feel the more i lie the more i get hurt in my heart. one of these days i will stop lying its like stop smokeing. but its lying. i hate lying i just wont stop lying its a bad habait. i hate lying. i need someone to help me to stop lying. if u read this try to find someone to help me stop lying.u can comment on it.I AM WITH MY FRIEND AND SHE ASKED ME A SOMETHING ABOUT A IPHONE AND SHE SAID THAT SHE HAD ONE AND SHE ASKED ME THAT IF I HAD ONE AND ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS DO I AM SCARED RIGHT NOW TO TELL THE TRUTH OR LIE TO FIT IN WITH MY FRIENDS WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need help to stop lying i hate lying
Lying is a horrible, irrational habit. The truth always comes out in the end because it's reality, that's what's there- when you lie you just cover it up for a bit but people aren't stupid. They'll see it eventually. It's usually just a matter of time, and the longer things go on for the bigger the potential for damage there is. No matter how terrifying it is, it's way better to just jump.
(I speak from experience) (I didn't) (too scared) (to jump I mean) :) umm right. This advice is really good, I thought I'd pop in to say thanks- it made me think a lot. (See. That's a lie! It made me think a bit) Anyway I have a conscience that feels like a boiling cauldron,at the moment. So I might go on.. for a bit- it's nice to connect with people in a similar situation, especially when it comes to faults :) Humans can be really horrible. Isn't it meant to be because where conscious of our actions? So unlike animals we really, really should behave. I don't know. My cat lies to me all the time. Never feels bad about it though or does she? I wish I was a cat, I could just lay around all the time looking adorable...Eh, on with the serious rambling...
I'm not sure if anyone will read this (the last post was like half a year ago, right?) and I'm not sure if this is just me making excuses. But... When I lie, I don't think I am conscious of certain thing's. I dunno about anyone else. But...When I lie I'm not aware of other people, not fully at least. I'm usually more focused on myself, I forget their rights and how it would feel to be lied to and I either focus on what I have to gain or what I'm afraid of losing. (In one way or another) But umm what I'm slowly coming around to is that I may have a few helpful (ish) tips of my own. If you don't mind.
1-Always consider other people's feelings before you talk/type/sign. (sometimes white lies are necessary)
2-Stop justifying and making excuses to ease your guilty conscience.
3-Remember that people usually want to know the truth really, even if they act like they don't.
4-People are best at deceiving themselves. Always be truthful to your self or lying to other's might not seem to matter.
5-Lying matters. But think about why it matters and why you shouldn't do it. (little lies and exaggerations might not appear to matter or be hurtful but things can spiral out of control easily. At the base of it honesty is a sign of respect. If you want to respect people, you have to be honest with them.)
As for me. I don't know. Lying has had some awful consequences. Not only does it make other people lose trust in you, (if you have any sense) it makes you lose trust in your self.
This is going to sound very self obsessed. But what the hell. I'm hoping nobody will see it. So on with the introspection. I (as a person!) want to appeal to people too much, I take it too far as a desire and I don't like it.
Someone said about how lying hurts you heart; I get that. I'm actually heart broken (I know it sound's over dramatic), I lost my best friend over this stuff. Ohh! More advice- Things can and do get better plus people forget about things. :)
Ok. I'm going to follow those seven steps to the letter! and hopefully it will help.I wish you could talk to my partner. I am so over his lying. He's had too many chances. his lying hurts, disrespectful & yet he still tends to try and turn it around like its my fault. hello ! who told the lie? all I want is honesty & love & respect. I know we all have faults, I certainly do & admit to them.
Im so sad & dont know what I should do.Donna you are so right and no-one deserves to be lied to- I am one who has been a habitual lier, i have ruined a marriage of ten years, but more sadly than that I have ruined my wife's faith and trust in me, i have been going for counselling for the past year, and only through the professional help have I come to understand why I was such a compulsive lier.
It all goes back to my childhood where i was pretty messed up, my father died when i was three and my mother became an alcoholic, and because she could not cope put me and my brother into a hostel
this is where it all began for me, I was fighting to protect myself in an alien environment at a very tender age, I developed personnel problems relating to bed wetting and other things, and being in that environment where there were other boys around that would tease me no end,
I then learnt to lie to hide things, and to protect myself from being a victim, and this stuck with me all my life, as it became a defence mechanism, to protect the little boy from being hurt.
I did not realise this until one day i had lied about something really stupid, and corrected myself immediately, and decided that this was the end of the road for me, I needed to get help I could feel my life slipping away from me and became scared, counselling has helped me understand why I have lied, and I have stopped , but there has not been a day go by in the last 6 months where I have not been scared, scared of hurting again, scared of not being liked, scared of losing someone i care about's respect, and scared of potentially never being loved again.
Being a lier is awful both for the person who is lying as well as for the person being lied too.
Donna I know your partner feels really bad about his lies, but does he need to dig deeper. to find the route cause, ask yourself are you strong enough to help him through it, I hope this has helped in some small way. best of luck to you both
I don't knw why Im lying to everyone In my life I dont lye to my boyfriend
He easy to talked to understanding me I need help me wth my lying
I've had enough.
I too am having issues with this... I don't want to lie but I just do it, impulse little lies like my phone died or something, I feel so awful after it, it really hurts me inside that I said that to someone else and ... for what? It doesn't serve a purpose execpt to hurt ourselves and eventually hurt other people. And everything is going so well for me as well I have great friends and a great job.
So that's it! Tonight I've decided I going to break this habit. IM OVER LYING. If I managed to lose weight and turn my life around, I can stop lying.
Just think about it guys, when you talk to someone you love, or care about, or are friends with - what's the point of lying to them? It serves no purpose except hurt and hurt. Just tell the truth from now on, no matter how embarrassing it is. Would you rather be hurt by the truth or a lie?
Lets break this habit people!!!
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.