Page 2 of comments on Bad Lying Habit: How to help the liar to stop lying? Six steps you can take today.
by Habit Buster
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As a liar myself, it gives me a something to work with. I may possibly lose my wife of 23 years because of my lying. I will use what you have here to try and build on myself. I hope for the sake of my family it works. Nothing else left.
YAY, it helped a lot.
I second the response that noticed that flaw in logic whereby the blame was being placed on the one who was deceived.When somebody CHOOSES to lie it is not correct to put the blame on the person who was deceived. In fact it is counterproductive because it allows the liar to avoid taking personal responsibility for their CHOICE to lie.If a person feels that they are in a situation where they cannot be truthful, they need to have the courage to tell the truth, or tell the the other person it is time to go their separate ways.It is highly disrespectful, selfish, and manipulative to lie to another person whether by outright lies, filtering and sanitizing the information, or lying by omission.It is time for people (liars) to stop making excuses for their own behavior.Very eloquently put. In fact, YOU just helped me with a situation where I just had to let a good friend of mine for ten years go, because of her lying. I tried... G_d knows I tried to get her to see that yes, I may get mad if she tells me the truth, but I'll still be here as long as she doesn't lie to me. I've put up with it for two years (this is just what I know of), and that's 1yr, 11mos., and 29-30 days too long. I was convinced that the problem was me because she felt the need to lie to me. Well, last month she went too far, and I cut her loose. I've been feeling like crap about it... and she was very hostile afterwards. I know I made the right decision, because she was never going to change (she was even worse to other people). I am saddened by it, as I know she could be better, but she chooses not to be, and I dealt with it, with the tips in this article, for far, far too long.I could not agree with your comment more. Your direct wording really helped me get the point accross to my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. I quoted your statement about lying being highly disrespectful, hurtful, selfish, and manipulative, which of course it is. I've been reading so many articles to try and figure out why she lies constantly and try to figure out the best way to present it to her. I simply called her on it, and followed my evidence with your words. Thank you J from EarthWow! You hit the nail right on the head.
once i told a lie that my mp3 player was at my cuzins house but it wasnt and now i told my mom the truth that it was on the bus cas my fraand had it and she lost it but it was a acciedent and my mom didnt really care (sort of )
I'm glad I found this as well. been married for 6 years, have 2 kids and my lying has forced me out of the house and now my marrriage is ending.
I really liked this article and it hit the nail on the head with my boyfriend. I admit I lie, and it is in defense of his jealous, possessive, perfectionist behavior. To him it's black and white, people change overnight, not him though because hes 23 and has 'everyone and everything figured out'. I showed this to him and let's just say he wasn't too impressed. Some guys just cannot naval gaze and realize they contribute to the problem. If you're with someone like him you better hope you can solve your own problems or have a friend to help because with him you're basically on your own. I'm crossing my fingers.
yes , and i know i must change its destroying my family and my life.i need to get help and thank you for your tips ,right now i;m going to keepdiary of everyday to help this bad habit.
I am a Lair because I feel I cant do or tell my partner what I want to do or feel, because its not what they think I should do or should think. They are a perfectionist and when I do say what I feel I get shot down. Its not nice feeling worthless so I lie, and fee l like crap worse than crap but I feel afriad of saying how I feel as i know what the outcome will be.
I am a compulsive liar. I have never admitted this before, at least out-loud. I lie because I am afraid of punishment mostly. I have been married for almost 10 years and this problem has and is bringing us to the brink of divorce. I don't lie about everything or make up fantastic stories about things that never happened, but what I DO do is when I am faced with having to admit fault for something, I lie about it rather than tell the truth because I am afraid of what he will do or say to me. He is not abusive, I just don't want to hear him yell at me or ask me questions for why I handled something a certain way. I see a psychologist and know that I have very poor self-esteem and lying is a way for me to avoid bad reactions. With this being said, I don't have an excuse and I know that lying is never acceptable and lying is definitely no way of showing your spouse or someone you care for that you love and respect them. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to live my life authentically so that I in turn can be authentic. I am so tired of living in fear and feeling ashamed of lies I have told. I get mad when my husband questions me and can I really blame him? No, I really can't. I don't know what the fate of my marriage will be, but I desperately need to stop lying. This is not how I want to live my life here in the this world and most importantly, I don't want to condemn my soul to hell because of this problem. I need help and have been down on my knees praying to God for him to help me. I can't go on like this anymore.ashameofme,
If you don't mind me asking, I wanted to see how thing have been turning out for you. I to am a compulsive liar. I've been having this problem for years. I can take responsibility of anything I did wrong. I often tell a liar and would probably go on with it, even when my wife questions it. I get combative and maintain that I'm not lying. I think my is a little worse than yours. I want to stop lying. I don't know were my marriage is going, but I know my wife is tired of it, and I'm tired of it as well. I don't want to live this way. I want to be honest. I want my word to count for something. My wife has to sometimes ask me a question 4 or 5 times because I'm she so use to me not being honest. She a very honest and straight forth person, tells you what is what, how she feels. I want to be that way. My lies have placed us further apart were it might not be a point of no return. We talked about this over and over. I been to therapy at least a couple of times and things tend to go good and I feel I have a grasp on the lie, and I discontinue my sessions. I now realize that that's not a good idea. I'm looking to start therapy back up and complete them. I don't know if my wife will be around for that, but I have to do it for myself because I want more for myself. And without my word, I'm pretty much nothing. Thanks for listening, I hope your thing is turning out better. It you don't mind I would like to continue a dialog with you. Nothing more than someone who has a similar problem as my self, that could possibly help me. Thanks.
It just takes the first step to realize that being more truthful has benefits and the rest just takes patience. I had a lying problem until I took the first step in staying true to my personality, and thinking less of what other people thought in that department. It was mostly self-confidence issues and I had a fear of being disliked. In the end it feels better. Although with every outward flaw is linked to many other factors that are based on major events that happen in your life. It takes soul searching, practice and time or another major event to confront and solve the problems showing in your everyday actions; well, if you consider them problems. Do the work, and the rest will work itself out... but that's just what I think.That sounds about right, I to am sometimes afraid of how I will be perceived. Its a real big problem and I sure don't want my kids growing up to be this way. I have to stop and I want to stop.
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